So let's talk about Nate.
As a fan of "Ted Lasso" and its message of kindness, I'm really surprised and bummed at how vitriolic the hate for Nate is in the fanbase, and how many people have openly expressed rage, anger, wanting him beaten, killed, etc., or at the very least, not thinking he deserves redemption -- and I just don't understand that.
As far as Nate finding redemption, I don't think it would be "Ted Lasso" if he didn't.
Yes, Nate has done some cruel and unlikable things -- he was bullying to Will (and Colin), he betrayed Ted's anxiety issues to the newspapers, and he lashed out at Ted angrily in the S2 finale and ripped the "Believe" sign before going to work for Rupert.
But we also saw why he was that way -- we saw ourselves that he has been bullied by his teammates in the past (by Jamie and several others), that the previous coaches never bothered to learn his name, that he was emotionally abused by his father, and treated cruelly by the world that seemed to want to remind him of how little he matters.
I just don't find any of this unforgivable or impossible to get past. Nate is a lonely, bullied, and abused person who has for most of his life been made to feel small, worthless, and unloved. Look at his initial rage in the S1 finale when he's promoted but he's instantly sure he's being mocked. Even Ted overlooked him many times in season 2 without informing him on changes to the staff, and Ted and Roy also expressed open pity for Nate last season too -- laughing at and hurting him without meaning to. It wasn't deliberate, but it contributed to Nate's impression that he matters less than others do.
This isn't Ted's fault, it's just that Nate is inwardly an abused and hurt child whose rage has been building all his life. It had to go somewhere beyond petty bullying, so of course he finally lost his temper to Ted in the S2 finale, in a scene I found heartbreaking (and it was evident that Ted did too). Nate is angry there but he is also visibly hurt -- he's visibly weeping when he tells Ted how upset he is. Again, he's a kid inside there.
So no, I can't hate Nate.
The great psychology behind Nate as a character is that anger of his. It's so realistic and well-done. And it had to go somewhere, so Nate was finally able to let it go and of course, the sad thing is that he directed it at Ted, who didn't deserve that.
But I also like that he chose Ted. Because he chose to express his hurt and rage to someone who would accept it and even listen to him and understand it. Ted is a safe person for Nate to explode to, basically -- which is why I think he chose Ted as his target. Of course Nate's anger is really at his father, at Jamie and everyone else who ever hurt and bullied him all his life. But he wasn't able to speak out to them yet.
This anger also ties into why I think Ted is the only person NOT angry at Ted on the team. Because Ted understands what Nate is feeling. He had a father who hated himself, who turned that anger and rage inward in the ultimate act of self-hate -- suicide. Ted does not hate Nate, he cares about him, and I love that. I love that it isn't Ted's toxic positivity, he is simply, truly, kind and he understands Nate's self-hate better than perhaps Nate does.
The scene that I think deliberately mirrors this is when Ted tells his ex-wife that he is angry and disappointed in her for dating their therapist. But that he still loves and cares for her. Ted is so mentally healthy there, and that's also how I think he feels (with less anger) for Nate too.
Meanwhile, I would argue that this third season has been somewhat nuanced this season on Nate, and it is a definitive arc:
- First, we see Nate puffed up and his worst self in E1 this season (S3) -- rudely dismissing or ignoring co-workers, glowing in praise from Rupert, being catty at the press conference.
- Yet we also see him notice Rupert's cruelty and gameplaying and (subtly) that Nate does not like or approve of this.
- While Nate snubs the handshake with Ted, he later regrets it and visibly attempts to approach Ted before losing the chance.
- We see Rupert play with Nate by changing what he is allowed to call him. Last season's Nate would have spiraled into self-hate. This season he reacts calmly to Rupert's jabs and reacts with confidence.
- Nate openly expresses to Rupert that he regrets his behavior to Ted and would like to apologize. Rupert being pure evil of course tells him not to, but Nate does not look convinced.
- Nate has since been shown to be more kind and respectful to people around him.
- We also see Nate looking thoughtfully at his game board and at the Ted figure there. When he knocks the figure off the board, in a moment of childishness -- he then looks ashamed, picks up Ted's piece and puts it respectfully back on the board.
- In episode 5, Nate is on the date with the model, and he is visibly kind, confident, respectful, and surprisingly at ease. Even when she is cruel about the restaurant and the food, Nate is adult and respectful in return, and he gives her a beautiful monologue about why the restaurant is important to him. He is actually telling her about himself, and confident enough to do so. For me, this is a really big deal.
- Then he's jilted by the model, but he's rueful but still okay. Not spitting at himself, not childishly enraged. He's just grateful when Jade comes over to sit with him (and while I dislike their romance, I do like that she recognizes how mature and kind Nate was there).
- Then in episode 7, Nate is terrified of asking Jade out. He goes to the bathroom to build himself up, to spit at himself in that horribly empowering/belittling ritual of his. And then he doesn't, and I just loved that. I'm not a fan of Jade, but that was awesome.
So I would argue that Nate is on a journey of redemption. But it's not about redeeming himself to Ted. There is no need of that, Ted already loves and forgives Nate. It is about Nate redeeming himself to HIMSELF, about learning to love and accept himself.
So I get why the show continues to show us Nate's journey. Ted cares about him, and so do I. Ted still has Nate's player on his Lego board. Still has Nate's picture displayed at home. Ted understands why Nate lashed out, he knows that outburst was about so much more than him. He doesn't hate Nate, and I don't either.
There is a great little moment in the movie "Magnolia" where a mistreated little boy faces his father and says, "You need to be nicer to me."
That's all I want for Nate. I don't care if he finds true love with weirdly bullying/affectless/mean/nice Jade. But I do want him to apologize to Ted, to realize how much Ted cared for him and still does (how wrong he was). To see the picture in Ted's apartment. To get a hug from Ted.
And I -- most of all -- I want Nate to face his horrible father and say, "You need to stop treating me the way you do. The way you have treated me is not okay. You need to be nicer and more respectful to me."
But what do you think?
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